NOT SORRY: Wayward Ducks

“family reported the loose pig”

This starts grim but it ends well.

The second Ghomeshi case ended with the former host signing a peace bond and apologising to Kathryn Borel. Feminist icon and court reporter Christie Blatchford speculated that the result may have to do with a vlog she once watched about a podcast. Asked to comment for the piece, CANADALAND’s Jesse Brown: crying laugh emoji followed by trash icon. Mark Gollom spoke to some demons from hell’s depths (“crisis communications experts”) about how Jian might rehabilitate his image.

Paul Martin’s new portrait will be separated from Jean Chretien’s by a stone pillar like in any good will-they-won’t-they rom-com. Neil McDonald wrote a preview of what may be the saddest future obit: “That was always his look. Almost apologetic, somehow.” While he had our attention, Martin said that it’s not that Canadians are racist, it’s just that Aboriginal people are invisible (approximately). Guess that explains why it took so long for Canada to sign onto the UN Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples. Can’t find ‘em, can’t find their rights.

Andrew Scheer MP doesn’t believe President Obama also invited the Prime Minister’s in-laws to Washington which proves the MP hasn’t met Kenyans. Rupert Murdoch photo-negative and Postmedia CEO Paul Godfrey took the company’s media sales kit directly to Parliament. Civil rights songstress and lady-wife Sophie Gregoire-Trudeau wants more staff to help with her emails and people are mad. Civil rights innovators and lady-haters Saudi Arabia are using light armoured vehicles for what you’d expect but we’re just hoping they’re not using our LAVs.

I was recently told that I’m “too Toronto” like that’s supposed to be a bad thing. To address the valid concerns of the haters, here’s some local news. Reporters from Fort McMurray Today checked the idea that the city is gone (FYI it’s not). You’ll never be as good as the La Ronge, Saskatchewan student with lifelong perfect attendance. I stand in solidarity with the mayor of Alberton, PEI who would like longer opening hours for the local liquor store.

Scenes We’d Like To See: A ship full of Norovirus-infected patients will dock in St. Johns to start Outbreak: Cruise Ship Season. Watch this gritty hard-hitting episode of The Wire where Saskatoon bike cops escort some wayward ducks out of town. I wrote a scene for Orange Is The New Black: Census Prison. Who wouldn’t watch a remake of Babe: Pig In The City that is also a remake of Dante’s Peak?


Not Sorry is written by Vicky Mochama who is Kenyan so she can make that joke and you can’t. Bring your whole family for dinner when you support CANADALAND’s Patreon. Subscribe. @ Us.

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